grating hiss

below is a ‘best of’ monkeyhowl. nothing new posted in a while, but some freshly-squeezed music is up at

gloriana (video)

a snippet from an unfinished music video. please click here to view in hd (relatively).

the post-phaeronic pact

i recently read of the discovery of a 16,000-year-old grave in jordan containing the remains of a prehistoric man and what was presumably his faithful animal companion, a red fox.

the dog-like creature, it is thought, is an early manifestation of what is commonly known as man’s best friend.

and as charming as that may seem, i dare say – in the literal end – the fox did not consider man to be fox’s best friend… Continue reading »


barbarian-coverwhat, this again? it’s getting a little last decade, isn’t it?

yes and yes! and new and improved, edited, remixed, remastered and re-released.

and if you can spot the three differences from the original song you could win first prize!

press play button to listen. available at amazon, itunes and other download stores.

inside the raelians

as a recent convert to the raelian church, i must say that for the first time in my life i’m actually enjoying religion.

don’t get me wrong.

as pulp science fiction elevated to a way of life goes, this stuff is right up there with the most sanity-taxing beliefs of the scientologists – bless their thetan souls – and as devoid of empirical proof as any other faith-based doctrine.

but, man, is my barbarian ever getting a workout…

Continue reading »

my ufo frightmare

click image to view. or, should you have the patience, click here to view/download in a higher quality. extraterrestrial message below…

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alien abduction

please press play button. text below…

i’ve come to love abducting aliens, a vocation, i think, unlike any other.

warm summer nights in the forest, a nocturnal symphony under a slowly whirling sky, a wreath of leaves for a mask, a branch for a club and patience, ever watchful patience…

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for ladies only

dearest female readers,

forgive me for being a tad indelicate, but may i humbly suggest that you might want to consider not masturbating on video for your boyfriend.

it’s not that the legions of us who aren’t your boyfriend don’t appreciate your efforts – we do, we do and… we do – but i’ll warrant that most of you didn’t set out to be quite so generous when exposing your feminine charms to camera…

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caution: sexual herbivores

they are among us each and every day. to some, they seem harmless. to themselves, especially so.

but we’ve all been victims of their menace at some time or another. i am, of course, referring to sexual herbivores. and it is now that this long-tolerated societal ill should be dealt with once and for all…

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achoo! (share the poo)

i was sitting on a park bench the other day, peanut butter in my ears, enjoying the tongues of squirrels, when it occurred to me how many children of today’s generation will never experience such a simple pleasure.

the unfortunate truth is that allergies are the bane of our offspring these days. and while there are remedies such as epipen available, it is scant consolation to the anguished parent who forgot the medication and is watching helplessly as their bloated child floats gently skyward…

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the new nude dope olympics

so, the games have come and gone yet again. the spectacle of the host nation thumping its chest, the daily tally of metal trinkets in a proxy worldwide war.

but after all the hoopla and kaboom, who on the planet was really watching, save for highlights and key events?

truth is, humanity’s supreme athletic meet has become boring and is long overdue for an overhaul. that is why i advocate that london in 2012 be the first ever all-nude, go-ahead-dope-yourself-into-a-coma olympics…

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in gushing praise of rub and tug

you work hard, you think hard, you’re stressed.

so you turn to the time-honoured manipulations of a skilled masseuse to help ease you of your physical and mental burdens. it is a luxury no one should be denied.

ah, but what is typically and sadly missing from this equation is nature. because we fear nature. because the nature that put us on this world is deemed to be somehow wrong by so many and in so many painfully ignorant ways…

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