achoo! (share the poo)

i was sitting on a park bench the other day, peanut butter in my ears, enjoying the tongues of squirrels, when it occurred to me how many children of today’s generation will never experience such a simple pleasure.

the unfortunate truth is that allergies are the bane of our offspring these days. and while there are remedies such as epipen available, it is scant consolation to the anguished parent who forgot the medication and is watching helplessly as their bloated child floats gently skyward…

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the new nude dope olympics

so, the games have come and gone yet again. the spectacle of the host nation thumping its chest, the daily tally of metal trinkets in a proxy worldwide war.

but after all the hoopla and kaboom, who on the planet was really watching, save for highlights and key events?

truth is, humanity’s supreme athletic meet has become boring and is long overdue for an overhaul. that is why i advocate that london in 2012 be the first ever all-nude, go-ahead-dope-yourself-into-a-coma olympics…

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in gushing praise of rub and tug

you work hard, you think hard, you’re stressed.

so you turn to the time-honoured manipulations of a skilled masseuse to help ease you of your physical and mental burdens. it is a luxury no one should be denied.

ah, but what is typically and sadly missing from this equation is nature. because we fear nature. because the nature that put us on this world is deemed to be somehow wrong by so many and in so many painfully ignorant ways…

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72 gay virgins

what if the martyr happens to be homosexual?