achoo! (share the poo)

i was sitting on a park bench the other day, peanut butter in my ears, enjoying the tongues of squirrels, when it occurred to me how many children of today’s generation will never experience such a simple pleasure.

the unfortunate truth is that allergies are the bane of our offspring these days. and while there are remedies such as epipen available, it is scant consolation to the anguished parent who forgot the medication and is watching helplessly as their bloated child floats gently skyward…

but it may not be too late to rectify all this sniffly suffering. and we can certainly act for the benefit of tomorrow’s youngsters with a very simple lifestyle adjustment.

it’s time to get dirty again.

and there is arguably nothing dirtier than feces, which could well turn out to be the miracle cure we have all been looking for to help rebuild our immune systems. it’s time to embrace bacteria like the good friends they are.

i know that bobo junior and i are making great headway with our own research. popping dung beetle balls like maltesers, hosting defecation parties and happy, sprawling ‘mud’ fights, fisting handfuls of the warm, creamy stuff up each others rectums for maximum absorption.

and you know what?

in the year or so that we have been proactive, tribal sick days have declined by 42% and severe reactions by 58%. impressive, isn’t it?

so, next time you are with a watery-eyed, breaking-out or swelling loved one, in the parlance of junior and his friends, ‘take your shit and shove it up their ass’. they’ll thank you in the end.

4 Responses to “achoo! (share the poo)”

  1. Sister

    OK. Finally you’re writing about something worth discussing. But, of course, you have to make it as outrageous as possible.

  2. BLZbob

    Sister, it’s part of the point of this place, isn’t it? And surely you have nothing against alternative medicine.

  3. Brother in the Hole

    Please, Sir, I want some more… poo, that is.

  4. geneswadingpool

    What’s old is new again. Except for my shit, of course.
    My shit’s rare. You should upload some into your dirty DNA. That would keep you cleaner than clean. Amen.

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