wise guy rudy

i think we can all agree that rudy has more than distinguished himself as our tribe’s resident shaman.

last summer’s banana plague narrowly but successfully averted with the sacrifice of only three of our young ones. the mystery of the crop circles not completely solved but at least we have cured meat and plowshares to beat into swords. and who will ever forget the miracle of turning wine into urine…

but i think the personal touch rudy brings to his ministry is what has helped us most. the kind, wise words that brighten the storm-battered lights of our souls in the darkest of hours.

below is a collection of the sagest gems rudy has imparted to me over the years, something worth celebrating, i think. and a big part of keeping me on the straight and narrow.

and we have all received such selfless advice when it was needed. let it be here, and in our comments, that we mark the value and memory of those words, both for ourselves and others to come.

‘better a florentine than a damascan, lest the berries be salted.’

‘measure not the length of the wand, but rather the girth of its spell.’

‘when feeling harried or hectored, it is best to herb.’

‘a leech on the left nipple and the babaku is gone.’

‘should the wind should fill your sails, too bad if you’re riding in a hydrogen balloon.’

‘a bonbon a day keeps the alien at bay.’

‘those that build their fury temples of marauder’s mud will find their heavens sweet.’

‘the lord taketh away, then rents it back to you.’

‘dimitri is an oligarch, but the ice sheets are bipolar.’

‘only the strings of orpheus can silence the laughing gargoyle’s tongue.’

‘rex reed in myra breckinridge, now that’s acting.’

‘the briared mammons on the dusty plain know the secret of the pilgrim in the pie.’

‘allow me to ejaculate on this point.’

‘best cover song ever: when the levee breaks by katrina and the waves.’

‘the kingdom of the philistines must have seemed god’s country, too bad for them they were too philistine to appreciate it.’

‘i’d wear a hood, but that only encourages them.’

‘stay schtum on the otters, not everyone likes it in the butt.’

‘count by four to 2009 – see, you can’t.’

‘i doubt the value of a plebliscite, who else understands the secrets of the gawapo bush.’

‘horns, no. tusks, maybe.’

‘if god was benevolent, semen would be a daily nutritional requirement.’

‘finally… three cloves, crushed garlic, and chili peppers. then taser till ready.’

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